Top 10 - Character Names

The Top 10 makes it's triumphant return to NZGamer with Top 10: Character Names

Top 10, an institution from before my time with NZGamer, is back. And for some reason I’m in charge of the first new edition of it. (Officially, it’s because I’m on study leave from University and therefore have nothing else to do – study, of course, doesn’t count. Personally, though, I think I’m being punished for my mean-spirited attack on the Xbox 360, the list form of which would make doing the first new Top 10 a particularly poetic punishment.) But – as so often – I digress.

This feature is, in essence, just an excuse for us here at NZGamer to make lists, to rank things, and in particular the things we love: video games. As a fan of Nick Hornby’s novel High Fidelity (and the movie adaptation with John Cusack), I know all about the great importance of this kind of list. In the past, Top 10 has rated the best guns, the best LAN games (how Counter-strike missed out here I’ll never understand), and even the top ten signs of the apocalypse. I, however, have decided to inaugurate this new season of Top 10 with a list of the greatest (or in some cases merely the most amusing) names bestowed upon videogame characters.

The Top 10 Character Names

10. Dr Robotnik / Eggman (Sonic the Hedgehog – and sequels, ports, spin-offs, ports of sequels, sequels to spin-offs, etc, etc)
Okay, okay – his name isn’t actually good so much as ridiculous. But the name ‘Ivo Robotnik’ – and variants like ‘Dr Eggman’ (which is standard in the Japanese versions, and being used more often in the English now too) – has such marvellous commitment to sounding stupid. It might be a crap name, but it’s crap like the terrible karaoke singer who somehow redeems himself by persevering right to the final chorus (butchering every note along the way).

9. Manny Calavera (Grim Fandango)
A classy handle if there ever was one. Unfortunately, though, it gets somewhat overshadowed by the name of the game itself…

8. PETER the PHNK (Shining Force II)
Partly, I just find the four-letter class abbreviations in Shining Force II amusing in general (that and I’ll take any opportunity to wax lyrical about this masterful Mega Drive RPG). But there’s something particularly bizarre about ‘PHNK’. Presumably, it’s meant to be short for ‘Phoenix’ (the character in question rather obviously being one, and the upgraded class for Peter being ‘PHNX’). But how did that ‘K’ get in there?!? Personally, I’ve always liked to refer to him as ‘Peter the Funk’ (or ‘Peter the Fink’ if he’s been bugging me).

7. Jools and Jops (Cannon Fodder)
These two loveable army men (who I refuse to separate) make the cut for two reasons. Firstly, there is something so pleasing about their names, when said together (repeat after me: “Jools and Jops, Jools and Jops”). But more importantly, they just sound so amazingly unlike any kind of real names.

6. Ru Murleen (Rebel Assault)
Ru Murleen is perhaps a little tame as far as videogame character names go. She deserves mention, however, because she is named for the voice actress playing her. Yes, that’s right: someone in the real world is actually called ‘Ru Murleen’.

5. Max Payne (Max Payne, Max Payne 2)
Come on. Who doesn’t love a good name pun?

4. Guybrush Threepwood (the Monkey Island series)
A latecomer to Monkey Island (I got pulled in by ‘Curse of’, the third game), I was instantly struck by the comic genius of the protagonist’s name. Not only is it intrinsically ridiculous, but it is also so joyously inappropriate for a pirate (he might as well be Captain J. Alfred Prufrock!)

And, wow – bonus points to Lucasarts for taking up so many places on the list.

3. Fruity Frank (Fruity Frank)
There is a very good chance you haven’t ever heard of Fruity Frank. It’s an ancient and very low-tech Amstrad game which I got addicted to many years ago. Frank needs a mention because his name is bold. This is one man who was unafraid to hold the title ‘fruity’. I don’t know anything about Frank’s sexual preferences (in fact, as an 8-pixel-high graphic, I imagine he was probably asexual); I simply admire the courage needed to call oneself by such a name in the homophobic environment of the late twentieth century. Fruity Frank: I salute you!

2. Noob Saibot – aka Sub Zero (The Mortal Kombat series)
Noob Saibot is in actual fact blessed with two pretty awesome names – the bizarrity of ‘Noob Saibot’ nicely balancing out the cool but cheesy ‘Sub-Zero’ (no pun intended). Interestingly, the name is a combination of the surnames of Mortal Kombat’s co-creators, Ed Boon and John Tobias, backwards. More importantly, though, it manages to invoke ‘1337speak’ without actually using numerals for spelling.

1. Rotfeast the Hungry (Diablo)
You might object to such a minor player taking top spot – after all, Rotfeast the Hungry was merely one of the many named minor bosses that cropped up throughout Diablo’s dungeon. But this isn’t a Top 10 of the Greatest Enemies of All Time; it’s all about the name. And ‘Rotfeast the Hungry’, for me at least, just sums up so well what it means to be a zombie.

So that’s it. Thanks to Tristan and Wozza for their suggestions. I hope I’ve managed to do justice to the Top 10. Or at the very least, I hope I’ve earned a chuckle.

Keep clicking your way back to NZGamer – there’ll be more Top 10s coming up, plus (as always) all the previews, reviews and news you can handle.