Top 5 Worst Wii Titles

By Tristan Clark

We pick out the worst of the bunch - which was no easy feat.

Okay, so if you’re reading this website, chances are you’re a fairly hardcore gamer. And if that’s true, then you most likely know enough about the industry to realize that there are a lot of terrible games out for the Wii right now. Sure, there are terrible games on every platform, but the shovelware just seems to keep piling up high on Nintendo’s latest offering.

So when taking on the task of finding five of the worst Wii titles around, the problem wasn’t finding the games – it was narrowing a rather large list down to such a small number. But still, for your amusement, we have gathered together five games that stuck out in our minds like a sore thumb that got infected with a terrible virus. And now has to get amputated.

Jenga World Tour

First thing’s first: why Jenga World Tour? Why not just Jenga? Oh right, I get it – it makes it seem more exciting than it actually is. After watching some of this game being played, I wanted to fall asleep. Take the fun (or “fun” in quotation marks if you’re my Jenga-hating girlfriend) of a game based around tactile response, careful hand-eye coordination, and laughing at the mistakes of others…and then remove all that.

What you’re left with is a broken game where you have to overcome shaky and inaccurate controls to carefully remove pieces from a tower of blocks that are governed by a really buggy physics system. Don’t believe that watching a video game in action can induce drowsiness? Try this on for size:

Ninjabread Man

A ninja made out of gingerbread (now do you see why the title’s so funny?) actually sounds like a funny kind of concept. Possibly a bit shallow, but maybe a really talented developer could have stretched the gag over at least 18 or so seconds.

Of course, this game wouldn’t have been here if it had been made by a talented developer…but then, surely no talented developer would have made this game, so it doubly wouldn’t have been here. Ninjabread Man feels like several million steps backwards for the 3D platforming genre. It piles in all the clichés while stripping away anything remotely fun – even the satisfying act of double jumping is just…bad…here.

Here’s IGN’s take on this truly magnificent piece of art:

Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer

While I promised myself I wouldn’t let in any movie tie-ins, this one is a special case. Here’s what fellow NZG writer Dene said about the title:

“Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is a pretty weak effort. It has a poor story, basic and repetitive gameplay, the saves are few and far between (meaning, if you mess up you get to go back twenty or thirty minutes to the beginning of a level) and very limited rewards. It’s sad, but there seems to be little here, in either content or intent, to allay the bad reputation that games based on movies have acquired over the years.”

Plus the added waggle just makes the whole thing that much worse. But still, sit back and enjoy this extraordinarily awesome tunnel chase sequence:

Alvin and the Chipmunks

Oh god, why is everything from the 80s being brought back these days? While Transformers remains awesome to this day, other cartoon shows have not fared so well. Case in point: Alvin and the Chipmunks. It was recently turned into what looked like a pretty bad movie – so imagine what the tie-in game must be like.

Actually, I’ll tell you: it’s awful. Imagine some bastard child of Guitar Hero and a block of moldy cheese, and you’re on the right track. It’s far too easy, gameplay is boring as all hell, and while hearing some pop/rock tracks in squeaky voices is novel, it starts to really grate on your nerves.

Don’t believe me? Try watching this clip about 20 times, and you’ll have an idea of what the real game is like:

London Taxi: Rush Hour

This one’s great – it’s like Crazy Taxi with all the fun removed. You must attract people into your taxi, and then get them to their destination very promptly. Except not too promptly, because you’ll only be traveling at 15 frames per second.

Yes, this game runs like a anaesthetized wildebeest much of the time – which is understandable given the amount of graphical detail in the game. Okay, that’s a lie – this thing would look right at home alongside Superman 64. Add some terrible controls into the mix (with the inevitably horrendous waggle) and you’ve got a quality title right here:

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