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It sounded good at the time...

Published: Tue 9 Sep, 2008 | 18 Comments
Tags: Seafood, Lorenzo Lamas, blog

Sometimes things sound much better on paper. Like a 24 pack of beer for only $12. Put the Rheineck down - that stuff is "asparagus tasting" swill. Sometimes an idea just pops in your head, and wait a sec - you could fully do that! I once jumped off my roof into a palm tree, thinking if I grabbed the branches they'd bend and I'd land on my feet. Instead I grabbed the branches, they snapped, and I landed square on my back. Awesome. What was I thinking? Two concussions not enough? Dumb a**. Here's some things that sound good... But will only lead to a painful "dear diary" moment.

Showing off in front of chicks
So there's that girl you have a super "I want to be on you." crush. If you have to show off, means they probably aren't that interested in you. But that's not going to stop ya! However Murphy's law states that when you're trying to look cool - you will in fact be doing the EXACT opposite. Skateboard + rail = awesome trick. Skateboard + rail + chicks watching = landing on nuts, crying, and recieving the new nickname, "That guy who cried like a b*tch when he landed on his balls". Don't worry, with a nickname like that... you won't be requiring useage of your testicles any time soon.



Pretty much any idea involving alcohol
Why is it the first thing you say when someone mentions a highly embarassing anecdote is, "Man, I was so wasted"? It's because when you are drunk you are stupid. Your inhibitions go out the window and you do things/people you will undoubtedly regret. This can include picking a fight with a guy 3 times your size, telling your boss he comes off as a racist, sexist homophobe, or going home with someone you shouldn't. Her adam's apple looked way prettier last night...



Menage a trois
So it's your birthday - and as a special treat, the girlfriend suggests maybe inviting a friend for a bit of a *your name here* sandwich. It's a trap! Don't take that bait, not even a nibble. No good can come of it, and will potentially lead to one of three things.
1)Fishy stepping stone. She's been thinking about getting some she-love for a while now, and is using this threesome as a way to try it out while still keeping faithful. Next thing you know she'll be leaving you for a "girl" named Shaz who has bigger arms than you, shorter hair than you, and is twice the man you will ever be. And being the last guy she dated, you will be the one who officially "turned her off men".
2)Weinerfest. Turns out your girlfriend's "hot mate Ashley" is in fact a dude. Oh joy. The only thing more awkward about being in the same room naked with another naked guy, is being in the same room naked with another naked guy who is having sex with your long-term girlfriend.
3)Crabs.

 

Avoid these at all costs and you can retain your reputation as a renegade cowboy, your girlfriend, and your dignity. If not, well... at least you have a cool scar, liver damage, and the "Two for the price of one" achievement.

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