Star Trek

I’m no Trekkie, but I have a lot of love for Star Trek - from the original 1960s television show, right through to the brilliant J.J. Abrams re-envisioning of the franchise. However, all of that love was brutally murdered like a bunch of nameless Red Shirts when I played the videogame which shamelessly shares its name.


It’s Gorna be Awesome!

Star Trek gets your hopes up by opening with a relatively decent premise. For starters, it delivers a whole new chapter of story that takes place between J.J. Abram’s first movie (2009) and the most recent flick, ‘Into Darkness’. Our two faithful companions - Kirk and Spock - have been sent to the planet of New Vulcan to rid it of the evil Gorn, a race of lizard-men intent on destruction. In the original TV show, James T. Kirk dramatically fought a member of the Gorn using twigs and polystyrene rocks. It’s epic and you should watch it. Also, this short clip should set you up nicely for the pace of the game.

 
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Most of Star Trek tries to play out as a third-person shooter, but occasionally it also attempts to take place onboard the USS Enterprise in galactic space battles, hijacking enemy ships and leaping off ledges in slow-motion. On paper it all sounds amazing, but the operative word here is ‘attempts’.


Phasers Set to Bore

It’s difficult to identify the particular aspects of Star Trek that cause this game to be so bad, simply because the entire game is broken. It’s as if the developers, Digital Extremes, played a range of top-selling third-person shooters and made a list of everything that didn’t work from each... then put them all into this abomination of horror.

There is no AI in Star Trek. Instead you are surrounded by brain-dead moving chunks. Supposed teammates will often stand next to you staring blankly at nothing while you get shot in the face. Others will attempt to jump through solid walls and, amazingly, often get stuck so that they hover aimlessly looking sad. Enemies take cover, which is impressive. But they often decide to use you as cover, crouching down next to you like some sort of seedy gigolo looking for a job.

This level of heightened intelligence flows into the level designs too, so at least it’s consistent. Often you’ll have no idea where to go in a mission and you’ll spend hours walking into dead-ends or into doors that refuse to open. And opening doors is sort of the primary objective for you in Star Trek. You’ll be running around like a mad-woman’s sh*t grabbing power cells or some junk in an effort to open a door before a random timer runs out. Along the way you might shoot some poor Gorn in the back, because even he’s confused by the map layout and gave up.

The gunplay is unimaginative and outwardly unfun. There is no attempt to bring in any role-playing elements or any sort of worthwhile upgrade system, and the ‘collectibles’ in the game probably wouldn’t even interest a die-hard Star Trek fan who still has an unopened original 1960’s Uhura action figure. The relentless repetition throughout the game will also grate on this same fan-base, many of whom will be desperate for a decent Star Trek videogame.


We canna take it anymore Capt’in !

The visuals don’t do this cluster-f*ck of a game any favours either. I could’ve made better character models out of mud in my backyard. The two main characters, Kirk and Spock, do resemble their real-life counterparts, but their emotionless, ‘glued-on’ static faces are often more terrifying than the reptilian Gorn (who you can usually find kneeling down next to your crotch.) The lip-synching is laughable (except you’ll be crying) and there are times where the action onscreen consists of a fuzzy blur of objects. I spent a lot of time squinting my way through objectives. Oh, I just blew up my own space station? Meh.

I think the developers knew that the graphics weren’t going to be Star Trek’s strong point, so they devised some brilliant camera angles to help disguise the fact. My personal favourite was the ‘in-floor cam’, where the camera would slowly sink low enough so that all you could see was feet and jagged textures from under the ground. The other effect is to have the camera bounce around like a drugged-up Jack Russell terrier so it’s hard for players to distinguish individual components.


Put simply - it’s illogical, Captain.

The most amazing thing about Star Trek is that it appears they managed to get the actual actors from the recent movies to voice their counterparts in game. Because of this, the vocals and soundtrack are definitely the highlight. And by highlight, we mean a little glimmer of light in a giant abyss of muck.

Finally, because of the bromance-factor-5000 of Kirk and Spock, you can inflict this catastrophe of a game on a fellow human being thanks to a two-player cooperative mode. Just make sure you choose someone a lot smaller than you as a teammate, because chances are you’ll be wearing their fist in your face about thirty minutes in. Sulu, get us out of here. Please.


Star Trek
"Boldly goes... where no game should ever go again."
- Star Trek
3.3
Awful
 
Follow Own it? Rating: PG   Difficulty: Easy   Learning Curve: 15 Min


 

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Comments Comments (21)

 
tuftsdude NZGamer.com VIP VIP Gold
Posted by tuftsdude
On Tuesday 7 May 2013 4:49 PM
6
This was very expected.
 
 
 
atipuss NZGamer.com VIP VIP Silver
Posted by atipuss
On Tuesday 7 May 2013 4:58 PM
1
Thanks for the review :) Its such a shame! Wish someone would creat a star trek animation movie! I really like the star trek animation series :)
 
 
 
TheClairoyant
Posted by TheClairoyant
On Tuesday 7 May 2013 7:11 PM
-
Haha great review! Had me laughing from start to finish. I may have to rent this just to see how bad it really is..
 
 
 
thegr8link NZGamer.com VIP VIP Bronze
Posted by thegr8link
On Tuesday 7 May 2013 7:17 PM
1
7 May 2013, 07:11 PM Reply to TheClairoyant
Haha great review! Had me laughing from start to finish. I may have to rent this just to see how bad it really is..
Haha yes must try this game, sometimes I wonder how these make it out of the development stage
 
 
 
FlatPitch
Posted by FlatPitch
On Tuesday 7 May 2013 8:26 PM
-
And the cycle goes on...
 
 
 
PunisherNZL
Posted by PunisherNZL
On Wednesday 8 May 2013 3:06 AM
1
Im sure i rember reading somewhere that this was going to be a psn/live title. Thats why i was suprised when a saw it was going to be a retail game. They just wanted it as a cash grab so they slap it on disc and hope for the best lol with a review like that i bet they wish it had of remained a downloadable game it would of saved them alot of money and might of even sold better. The cruddy old bargin bins will be full of star trek in no time!
 
 
 
jbl316
Posted by jbl316
On Wednesday 8 May 2013 9:56 AM
1
my brother bought this game (yes he bought it). There is a ton of glitches. One example was when the door closed in a room and I couldn't get out. I restarted from the checkpoint and then both me and Spock were trapped in the room as the door never opened again. I had to restart level and the door worked properly that time!
 
 
 
haydensomething
Posted by haydensomething
On Wednesday 8 May 2013 10:30 AM
-
Hahaha, sounds about right
 
 
 
ZombieRawkMachine NZGamer.com VIP VIP Gold
Posted by ZombieRawkMachine
On Wednesday 8 May 2013 1:29 PM
1
Further proof that they should have gone onto Darkness III
 
 
 
rocketman12 NZGamer.com VIP VIP Bronze
Posted by rocketman12
On Wednesday 8 May 2013 2:03 PM
-
Another let down, thank goodness for Far Cry 3 !
 
 
 
sick_wierdo
Posted by sick_wierdo
On Wednesday 8 May 2013 3:11 PM
-1
Anyone know of ANY game based on a movie / tv licence that hasn't sucked since Goldeneye 007 on the N64? I sure can't
 
 
 
that_black_guy NZGamer.com VIP VIP Bronze
Posted by that_black_guy
On Wednesday 8 May 2013 4:53 PM
2
8 May 2013, 03:11 PM Reply to sick_wierdo
Anyone know of ANY game based on a movie / tv licence that hasn't sucked since Goldeneye 007 on the N64? I sure can't
Spiderman 2, The Warriors, the Matrix.

There are good ones, they're just few and far between. And as bad as movie to game games are, I still think game to movie movies are worse
 
 
 
emetic NZGamer.com VIP VIP Silver
Posted by emetic
On Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:06 PM
1
Hands up if you recognised and envisioned the Gorn before finishing the sentence :D
 
 
 
democracy_savvy NZGamer.com VIP VIP Bronze
Posted by democracy_savvy
On Wednesday 8 May 2013 10:55 PM
2
8 May 2013, 04:53 PM Reply to that_black_guy
Spiderman 2, The Warriors, the Matrix.

There are good ones, they're just few and far between. And as bad as movie to game games are, I still think game to movie movies are worse
Yeah Spiderman 2 is a great movie game. X-men Origins Wolverine was pretty good too.
 
 
 
guido NZGamer.com VIP VIP Bronze
Posted by guido
On Thursday 9 May 2013 10:55 AM
1
Such a shame. Would have been great to have a Mass Effect style game set in the Star Trek universe. Instead we get an effective mess of a game developed to a movie release schedule that will be clogging up the bargain bins in no time?!
 
 
 
Winger Gee NZGamer.com VIP VIP Bronze
Posted by Winger Gee
On Saturday 11 May 2013 11:21 AM
1
mmm... sad that a potentially good franchise can be done so wrong. Matbe worth a look when its in the $10 bin.
 
 
 
procion NZGamer.com VIP VIP
Posted by procion
On Monday 13 May 2013 2:13 PM
1
...To Badly go where Everyone has gone before. meh
 
 
 
freorunning
Posted by freorunning
On Monday 13 May 2013 3:45 PM
-
Pretty much every star trek game sucks. A tradition in average to poor.
 
 
 
Wendyelise
Posted by Wendyelise
On Tuesday 14 May 2013 9:21 AM
-
I've watched the making of Star Trek the game and I know that everyone is a critic but I like it. I've seen the movie and that was bloody awesome compared to the other Star Trek movies but I do so love the Old Spock. Sorry new Spock, but you just can't teach a new dog old tricks. Looking forward to playing the game
 
 
 
ssjroneel NZGamer.com VIP VIP Bronze
Posted by ssjroneel
On Wednesday 22 May 2013 6:22 PM
1
7 May 2013, 07:11 PM Reply to TheClairoyant
Haha great review! Had me laughing from start to finish. I may have to rent this just to see how bad it really is..
haha just like zero punctuation reviews. I want to play just to see how bad it is :p

It's a pity that it turned out sour, would have really liked a good Star Trek game.
 
 
 
rocketman12 NZGamer.com VIP VIP Bronze
Posted by rocketman12
On Monday 10 Jun 2013 12:47 PM
-
When I first saw the 1st game trailer for this I thought " Cool". I love the new Trek style and thought a game in the same vein as the movie would be fun to play.

Luckily I trusted my intuition and decided to wait and see what the reviews for this were actually like.