Life Changers: SingStar

You guessed it, Sam talks about the Life Changing SingStar.

Now living in a second consecutive flat where Singstar is considered a normal, everyday activity, I tend to forget that I was not always the confident Singstar divo I am today. Once upon a time I was one of the huddled masses, clutching my drink in panic, and then finally, with some reluctance, bumbling through a couple of songs that I (foolishly) thought I knew.

And now I’m a monster. Kate, who wrote the book (well, the blog) on singstar ettiquette, must take a fair amount of the blame for my current state, since she was the first to introduce the game, not just into my life, but into my very home (where it has regularly and very entertainingly wreaked havoc on people’s ears and eyes). But irrespective of the drinks spilled, glasses broken, neighbours kept awake, and the friends made to feel awkward by gay chicken, I’m happy to say that Singstar has changed me not just as a gamer, but as a person. Simply put: I have lost my sense of shame. It is amazing how liberating that can be…

But rather than wax lyrical about the stages of my life, the crucible of public embarrassment, or my emerging on centre-stage, like a butterfly from a cocoon, singing along with Erasure in my finest falsetto* – which would be fun, but probably more so for me than for anyone reading this – I’m going to take this chance to look at the stages through which I progressed, in the hope of extracting some lyrics of wisdom...

For those planning on breaking out the Singstar at a party or gathering, I would like to provide a guide to the willingness of your guests (or whoever else’s guests) to get up and potentially humiliate themselves – probably (let’s face it) on camera.

The Mic-Readiness Scale

This scale, from 0 to 6, measures a person’s current Singstar aptitude – how ready they are for a karaoke experience. Note that, while consumption of alcohol can increase someone’s rating, it can only do so much. As a general rule, someone’s rating while drunk will never be more than double their rating while sober (beer can make a ‘2’ into a ‘4’, or a ‘3’ into a ‘6’ – but that ‘0’ isn’t going anywhere).

0 – ‘The Turtle’ – This person is really not feeling the vibe. They are uncomfortable, withdrawn …perhaps even slightly annoyed at the spectacle in front of them. Approach with caution. Offer them a microphone and they will most likely go further into their shell. But, if you try really hard, and pester repeatedly …you might be able to get them to hit you with the microphone. (Easily mistaken for a ‘1’, so be careful.)

1 – ‘Just Watching’ – Now we’re dealing with some potential. But it is still a delicate situation. This person will be hanging back, like ‘The Turtle’. But look for the smile on their face, the toe-tapping, and perhaps even the hint of singing along. Such folk need to be nurtured carefully to get them involved: it may take several drinks; it may even take several days.

2 – ‘Reluctant Star’ – They want to sing, but even more, they’d like to be asked. The amount of encouragement needed may vary: some singers just need an invitation to a duet, but others may require serious coaxing. In some cases, flattery is the answer (for these people there is no such thing as too much – if it’s required, I say just heap it on). Song choice can be crucial. You’d be amazed how many reclusive singers can be lured out by ‘their song’. Likewise, a particularly inspiring choice can bump a ‘2’ into a ‘3’ or a ‘4’.

3 – ‘Volunteer’ – With encouragement, a little practice, and several drinks, most people can make it up to this level of Singstardom. They want to get involved, and they aren’t afraid to step up straight away when they see the song they want. You won’t need to manage the people in this category much; just let the good times roll. However, you will need to watch them for signs of going up the scale: if they started as a ‘2’, you are safe, but anyone who is a ‘3’ while sober can quickly ride up to dangerous levels (‘5’ and ‘6’) if there is alcohol handy.

4 – ‘Crowd Pleaser’ – One step beyond mere involvement, this person either has some booze in their system, or are just naturally over-the-top. They’ll be easy to spot because they will be dancing**, and most likely trying to seduce a) the other singer, b) an invisible person in front of them, or c) an innocent bystander. Be on the lookout for trouble. Not only can this person escalate to a ‘5’ without warning, he or she may also be terrifying the other guests.

5 – ‘Mic Hog’ – It’s a very quick move from Crowd Pleaser to Mic Hog; indeed, the two really blur together at times. Finding the line is as much about the audience as anything else. If you know you yourself are a potential ‘5’, you should keep an eye on those around you: are they bored? awkward? disgusted? If you’re in this category you should know your limits; if you’re a host, you should know the crowd’s limits.

6 – ‘Monster’ – This person has gotten out of hand. They have monopolised the “stage”, and freaked out most of the competition. They have probably broken things (if you’re lucky, a glass; if you’re unlucky, a window or an antique vase). Drinking was definitely a factor, but it’s far too late to cut them off now: the damage has been done. What started as an entertaining spectacle is now embarrassing even for those watching.
What to do now? Maybe you didn’t even know this person before tonight (it’s certainly very likely that you won’t know them tomorrow).
The situation is potentially explosive, and you must manage it with great care. You need two seasoned, but fairly sober, singers (less than a ‘3’ and they’ll be too timid; more than a ‘4’ and you risk recreating the same situation), and a tune that is both crowd-pleasing and chilled out. You distract the Monster, while your accomplices wind-down the Singstar. Chances are that it’s in the wee small hours by this point anyway, so it’s a good time to start either nudging people at the exits, or at least steering them towards couches, so you can bring things down a notch and prevent further mayhem.

Editor's note: It's quite worrying that there are at least four NZGamer staff members who fit into categories 5 & 6.

* This has never actually happened. Except the part about singing along to Erasure – that, I’m afraid, happens all too often. ‘Respect’ is just irresistible.

** Loosely speaking.