Rumour Monkey #16

Oblivion to PS3? Crash Bandicoot on Wii? Read on for more.

All we hear is Radio ga ga
Radio blah blah
Radio what's new?
Radio, someone still loves you!

And that’s where today’s edition of Monkey idol ends, as the Singstar bug is starting to wear off. If we were to vote now on who wins, it would be this column, as the television version has no talent what so ever, and is extremely discriminating.

Anyway, we are not here to harp on about tele-crap - we are here to talk rumours, gaming rumours to be precise, and for all those who are unsure who I am, I’m the Rumour monkey, gaming’s only animal columnist.

See, last week Monkey managed to get on an NZG freebie and attend an animal workplace welfare conference. Apparently the budget allowed for it since that Mongolian boy that does the day to day running of the site, Shaun I think his name is, had to take a forced pay cut, since the 5 cent coin is being phased out. He now does it for the love of his heart.

Anyway, after some hard lobbying with sexual harassment Panda, and pro-alcoholism Parrot, Monkey took heed of some of the advice the Parrot told him. Get drunk. And monkey didn’t need a second invitation, no sir.

After a few rounds of liquid courage, Monkey jumped on to the stage and proceeded to stutter out the chorus of Relight My Fire. And in between admiring Robbie Williams’ youthful days and drinking a bit more, he managed to completely butcher every song on the game, no exceptions.

Cases of animal counselling are said to be through the roof in some countries, while audiology clinics are reporting high numbers of tone deafness and repetitive ringing sounds, such as “If only I could turn back time.”

Monkey blames Cher, and I’d imagine Cher would blame Monkey.

Rumour: The Xbox 360 version of Scarface is set to be canned, with a PSP title taking its place.

Background Info: A slow stream of details on the 360 version, plus the addition of a PSP listing on the Vivendi Games website.

Monkey Says: I smell something dodgy here. Like last night’s pizza type dodgy. And no we have bathed Morgan today so it can't be him. Until I see some more concrete details I’ll remain a tad sceptical, although this is within the realms of possibility.

Monkey’s Confidence 7/10 Bananas – Potentially more mobster goodness for our gaming public.

-----

Rumour: The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion is set for a PS3 and PSP release.

Background Info: An initial leak on the Bethesda Softworks site, which stated that the title was set for a release on the two systems, now backed up with listings on the US EB Games site.

Monkey Says: EB Games! EB Games! God, who was writing this material while I was away! Seriously these people are nearly always wrong with release dates and prices, yet people believe their word is law when it comes to what games are coming out I’ll admit, it would be awesome to have a portable Oblivion, and even a PS3 Oblivion, but somehow I don’t see it happening.

Monkey’s Confidence 3/10 Bananas – And this column continues to slide into Oblivion….

-----

Rumour: Crash Bandicoot is set to “crash” on to the Nintendo Wii.

Background Info: My secret squirrel source at this welfare conference managed to let slip that he’ll be doing some voice-over work and some animation work as well. Add to that he’s a multi-millionaire Bandicoot and well…

Monkey Says: Yes! I got a pun in there, the streak continues. Well boy aren’t we going for the farfetched end of the gaming rumour mill this month? If I can somehow go three from three in this column I might just go and get drunk some more, but bugger it, I’ll get drunk anyway.

Monkey’s Confidence 5/10 Bananas – Don’t make a Monkey go unquenched.

-----

Rumour: Sometime within the next two weeks a new column is set to launch on NZGamer.com

Background Info: I found one of my writers, working on his own material, which at once I confiscated.

Monkey Says: I then proceeded to take it to NZG head honcho Mayur, yet he approved the column! What insolence! I’ve never had any 1337 speak in this column before but I may just do it a11 y0u n00bz!%^$!

Monkey’s Confidence – Who cares!

-----

Well if I’m still here this time next month you’ll see another edition of the Rumour Monkey, otherwise you known that my jealous writer has taken over and sent me to a life of eternal damnation.