Rumour Monkey #19

He's back, and more alcohol fueled than ever.

Welcome trendsetters, gaming fans and monkey-men, you have found your way to the 19th edition of gaming’s most popular animal orientated column, the Rumour Monkey.

So I’m back from the trip to see the wizard, and did you think I could find the ba$tard? Anyway, after getting thrown out of Jupiter's Casino on the Gold Coast, then going to the cultural park and getting drunk with the aboriginals I actually did manage to do some work of the reconnaissance variety.

I plundered my way through Australian suburbia, and while undercover I managed to infiltrate various gaming stores and find out some key information. Infiltration was no easy thing mind you, as the store had set up metal detectors to stop crazy Australian folk penetrating the store with cans of Fosters and XXXX. Lucky for me however I spent up large on Duty Free and managed to purchase the glass 350ml Jim Beam flask for five dollars, because as I say you can never afford to have too much blood in the alcohol system, thus allowing me to penetrate the store. Hmm, penetrate.

Once I reached the counter, I managed to decipher the Australian hieroglyphics of “G’day mate, would ya like a coldie", and my favourite, "Gotta take a slash the back teeth are floatin’”. I worked out that the gaming scene over there seems to be very PC and Xbox dominated, so much so that even the PS2 is relegated to having as much shelf space as the GameCube.

But Nintendo fans never fear, as there was Wii splattered all over the place - posters, cardboard cutouts, the lot! So here’s hoping for you intrepid monkey followers that you’ll get some joy when the PR machine hits here, as I know you’re still waiting for the GameCube one to hit.

Anyway, without further adieu we should hit today’s column, bolstered by the fact that although Halloween is coming with those pesky kids asking for candy, so is Fonzie’s birthday that is celebrated the day before. Now I remember back in 85’ when Fonz and I…(Abridged due to waffling and profanity).


Rumour: A line-up of Gesture games are going to be hit The Xbox 360

Background Info:An article regarding the impending release of the Xbox Live vision cam, which releases on October 26, gives details of gesture games.

Monkey Says: Would ya like to see some of my gestures, would ya Microsoft? Well apart from flipping the odd bird and getting down with my bad self I can’t really think of any, but if the mentioned article above is correct, then we are in for a line of releases of Eye-Toy-ish genre games, which are fun for the whole family, especially when there are drinking stipulations!

Monkey’s Confidence: 10/10 Bananas – Don’t be caught holding it when you’re on video chat to the world, son.

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Rumour: Blizzard are currently on a major crackdown of World Of Warcraft cheaters.

Background Info: A release from Blizzard stating that they have already banned 76,000 members, and confiscated 15 million gold.

Monkey Says: Haha! Who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar? Well obviously over 76,000 of you, which roughly equates to half of my audience. Anyway I’ll give the majority of you the benefit of the doubt, as nearly all of the accounts closed were from Europe, USA or Korea. Hmm, maybe poor old Kim Jong-II got busted farming gold, so now he is farming nuclear weapons, the sly bugger. Well if I’m not here next week, you know what’s happened to me.

Anyway, Blizzard have stated that “We will continue to aggressively monitor all World of Warcraft realms in order to protect the service and its players from the harmful effects of cheating. Please note that selling World of Warcraft content, such as gold, items, and characters, can result in a permanent ban of the involved accounts from World of Warcraft.” Watch out indeed.

Monkey’s Confidence: 10/10 Bananas – Remember kiddies, it’s only cheating if you get caught.

As of writing there are 72 listings when I searched World Of Warcraft on Trade Me - the highest being an account for NZ$1,199.

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Rumour: Come Wii launch day, the console will release with 12 available games

Background Info:An interview conducted with Nintendo management, outlining the hardware and games available from launch day lends a breath of truth to the rumour

Monkey Says: Twelve games hot dig-it sure is quite a few for launch day, however outside of this it could be quite sparse for the first few months, similar to what the 360 went through, especially if you’re a genre-picky gamer. However, this list can surely only go one way, with the cross-console release of titles, so expect the Wii to receive a decent stash of games for the short to medium term.

Monkey’s Confidence: 6/10 Bananas – How is it that I’m so precise with these rumours? Twelve of this, seven of that…

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Well that brings to a close another column at the hands of the most intellectual animal in the gaming kingdom, the Rumour Monkey. We hope you will join us for another alcohol-laden rant in about a month's time, until then feel free to drop a line or some other device in to monkey’s taut and trim box and he’ll get round to replying, if the NZG budget allows of course.