I'd Rather Have Coal

Games to stay away from this Xmas season.

‘Tis the season to buy some fresh games for the young ones. Buyers beware though, because there are a lot of games that will make the kid beg for a lump of coal instead. These are the worst of the popular genres, that although cheap, give you exactly what you pay for and pale in comparison to other games, even to last-gen titles.

World Wrestling Championship (PS2)

So your kid has asked for a copy of the latest Smackdown! VS Raw, but then you notice a cheap wrestling game for just $20. Forget it! WWC makes Acclaim’s WWF titles look great. The wrestlers of the - entirely fictional - WWC are as agile as bricks, the menu packs two options (one or two players), and you only have one wrestler to play as. Even the moves are limited - you can’t pin, Irish whip, fight outside the ring…or even have fun. This is a perfect example of how not to make a wrestling title. The only thing working in this title’s favour is that it runs on the PS3 – quite an achievement, but I have to wonder why Sony bothered. However, for about thirty or forty dollars more you can pick up a platinum edition of Smackdown! VS Raw, a series that plays infinitely better than this abysmal title. Although it must be noted that the rating on Smackdown! VS Raw is slightly higher so it isn't such a good alternative for younger games.

Next up we have a non-budget title - one that could have been better, but turned out to be nothing more than a glorified advertisement for Lego’s Bionicle franchise. It is of course…

Bionicle: Heroes

Now here is a game that not only makes everything else on the planet look fun, it’s also a full price title. Bionicle: Heroes is nothing more than a boring cash in. If I were Lego, I would be suing the developer for devaluing the Bionicles license. The levels are linear and the boss battles are repetitious. The really tragic thing about this game is that it had so much potential. Taking characters from the franchise and using each for various tasks and collecting upgrades makes this prime real-estate for an action RPG. Unfortunately this is more like a shooter gone wrong.

Finally, we have another first person shooter from Clive Barker, the horror story author behind the mediocre PC FPS: Clive Barker’s Undying. Fans of Undying should avoid this like the black plague.

Clive Barker’s Jericho

Even when playing the demo you can easily discover the simple design flaws that make it almost unplayable. The most obvious flaw came with the first quick time event. I hate quick time events as it is, but this one really takes the cake: you’re climbing down a hole in the demo mission when you are confronted with a quick time event. If you miss just one button push, you fall to your death. This bad design idea is right up there with levels where your character is running towards the camera and has to jump obstacles you can’t see until five seconds before you hit them.

Avoid these games, drive safe, and have a Merry Christmas. Ho ho ho.